My history professor is insane. Aside from literally 10 busy work introductory assignments, our weekly discussion posts are damn near theses in themselves (include footnotes, has to include a quote, has to be 10+ sentences on some convoluted topic). My very tired brain needs a break, and I wanted to talk about / reference a Buzzfeed article I read. Don’t read further if body shaming triggers you! There’s no need. Nothing informative other than recycled pain. I’m just in a stage between feeding it and growing out of it.
It was several summative tweets of women’s experiences being body shamed, so naturally it dredged up the loop that’s constantly playing in the back of my head and now I want to share them because so far that’s the only way I know how to purge and renew (even if it’s a slow process).
– My dad saying I’m ‘such a pretty girl, I’d be prettier if I lost weight and it would widen my dating options,’ when I was 17/21/23/25/28 and self conscious about my relationship status.
– My cousin, a boy, telling me guys would only use me for my parents’ money when I got older. We were 11.
– My mom essentially saying normal guys don’t want fat girls, and if a guy likes fat girls there’s something wrong with him. (She and my dad were fat when they got married. Still fat.)
– My mom watching me walk across our living room and reach for something up high “You’ve got such a cute body underneath all that blubber!”
– My thin best friend asking me “But what do YOU have that *I* don’t?” when a boy liked me. She wasn’t even interested in him.