I feel so worn down today. For starter’s I have a huge headache, but then I’m looking at my apartment and all the clothes everywhere. The bed undone. The clutter. I miss the routine I had where I spent my weekends tidying and enjoying my alone time. I also discovered today that my patchy academic performance will come back to haunt me if I apply for graduate school. I’ve been sort of maintaining a B average the last two years only to raise my GPA by a fraction, when I need it raised by a mile. Working that out would be fine except I had plans to graduate in the fall and then immediately apply to be a Alt-certified SPED teacher, and now I can’t because THAT ALSO depends on your GPA. I could either hope to god I get it done right, or I could spend another year working as a TA to qualify for having a BA, +2 years work experience. (“Well, just get all A’s”. Easier said when you don’t have 9 years of academic experience underneath your belt, because basically they’re taking ALL the classes you’ve completed and averaging them, so an “A” weighs a lot less for me vs. someone who’s only take 90 credit hours.) As I sit here and complain and sigh I understand all it takes is a plan of action and the stress will go away, but … everything is happening so slowly. I have been working and focusing on my long-term goals for what feels like forever, because they just barely started to take shape and I’m ready to jump into the action now. I’m ready to stop being broke NOW. Fuck.